I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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