We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
