I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
