Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
