I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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