I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
