I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
