if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
