she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
