Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
