It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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