i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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