I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
