I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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