Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
