He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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