I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
