I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
