Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
