Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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