the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
