So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
