the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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