That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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