Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
