White coat. Heels.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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