I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
