Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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