You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The Olympian is in my bed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
