White coat. Heels.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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