dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
