When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
