Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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