Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
