To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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