I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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