Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
