Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't deserve a penis
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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