i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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