All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
