you traded sex for a burrito?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
