Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
