He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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