she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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