i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
