just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
