you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
