Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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