I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
