Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
