Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
