The maid of honor just puked.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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